The No-Contact Rule Strategy Will Get Your Ex Back - Get My Ex Back | Relationship Recovery (2023)

Most of us don’t know how to deal with breakups. The reality of someone we care about so much telling us that they need to be alone is just emotionally destructive. I should know as I have been there before. When my ex broke up with me, all I wanted to do was start a bonfire (and grill the guy). The next thought that came to my mind was to vent out via texts (yeah, hell has no fury like a woman scorned).

But after the dust settled, I realized that I was acting like a three-year-old. My ex wanted to be alone. So, why was I chasing the guy as if my whole life depended on him? It was at this moment in my life that I discovered the power of the ‘no-contact’ rule.

What can I compare this strategy with? Well, it’s like yoga. It’s you releasing your hand off the steering wheel and trying to calm your bleeding heart. It’s you choosing to allow some space between the two of you with the hope that things will get better in time.

Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me explain to you what the no-contact rule is all about and how it can help you get your ex back.

What is the No-Contact Rule?

The no contact rule means no communication with your ex for a certain period of time. Yes, it is similar to the silent treatment. But, with the no-contact rule, we mean that you cut off all forms of communication.

Relationship coaches cite this strategy as one of the best strategies for getting your ex back. Go ahead, buy any best-selling relationship book and you will be startled at the number of times the author tells you to cut off contact.

Psychology supports this strategy as well. Maintaining no contact gives both of you the chance to think things through and find yourselves. Still, we have to admit that most people use the no-contact rule for all the wrong reasons.

The no-contact rule will not work if you are:

  1. Using the rule to hurt the other. Some choose this strategy just to make the other person feel rejected or helpless. This motive is unhealthy and could end up straining your relationship forever.
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  1. Some use the no-contact rule because things ended badly. When the breakup was a nightmare, the no-contact rule becomes your best strategy to avoid making things worse. But, maintaining no contact, for this reason, is likely to cause more problems.
  2. Others opt for no-contact because they’ve lost their self-confidence. To such people, no-contact becomes a great strategy because it helps them avoid working towards improving the relationship.
  3. It is also wrong to use no-contact as a strategy for controlling the situation. If one feels powerless over what happens in a relationship, the no-contact strategy makes the dumped individual feel like they are in control of the situation. You may feel that any attempts at communication are a show of weakness. However, this is not wise because, by the end of the day, you guys may end up getting back together. When that happens, the clinginess and neediness begin all over again.

Best Way to Use the No-Contact Rule

The no-contact strategy should start the moment your ex said, “I don’t want you in my life right now,” or “it’s over.” That is the time that you graciously let them be and avoid desperate attempts to show them that you can’t live without them.

Now, let’s discuss some of the concerns that most people have. What if he/she left something at my place and I need it? Or, what if all we need is to sit down and talk? Trying to find back doors to break the no-contact rule strategy is dangerous. What you’ll be doing is communicating to the other person that it’s okay that they hurt you. And, if they want to hurt you again, they are free to do so.

Sometimes, silence is the best weapon.

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So, what do you do when you break the no-contact strategy? Simple, go back to the no-contact strategy. Don’t beat yourself up! Assume a positive mindset and focus on yourself.

But my ex is stubborn, will this work? Yes, it will work because you are worth it, and it’s high time they realize that.

It is common for people not to implement the no-contact rule correctly. The period after a breakup is a challenging time. Take my word for it; I felt like someone had put my soul on a gas burner! But, I must insist that you should conjure up the self-discipline to uphold this strategy. Take a notebook and ask yourself these simple questions:

  1. What do I want in a relationship?
  2. Have I been realistic in my expectations from this relationship?
  3. Who is he/she really to me?
  4. What plans do I have for myself?

Why the No-Contact Rule Works

Going radio silent on your ex gives both of you a chance to build an attraction for each other. You’ve made mistakes, and so has your partner. When you two take some time off, you allow for time to miss each other.

This strategy gives you time for self-recovery. Aside from getting your ex back, the no-contact strategy gives you time to figure out what you want. This can be a great time to get back to the gym or try out a new hobby.

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It could also be a time for you to work on growing your wealth ( I started a blog while he was away) and improve your relationships with friends and family.

The silent period allows you to build your confidence. Here we are talking about confidence, not pride/ego. Some people like to create the facade that they are okay after a breakup. However, building your confidence involves allowing yourself to cry about it. After that, focus on activities that help you boost your confidence and value.

The no-contact rule also enhances your value. Look at it this way, you were there all the time for your ex, and they took advantage of that. But, when there’s no communication, your ex realizes your value in their life.

Cutting off contact with your ex opens your mind to other opportunities and alternatives. Right now, it may be hard to resist the impulse to think about your ex. But, remember the 40-day rule. If you give yourself the first 40 days as a step towards building a healthy life, then you may find yourself moving on amazingly well.

No one said that you guys wouldn’t get back together, you might. But for now, check out other alternatives. You may later discover that it’s not your ex that you really want.

7 Signs That the No-Contact Rule is Working

The surest sign that the indefinite no-contact rule is working is when your ex initiates contact. Your ex could do this by calling or texting or just by stopping by. The truth is that most of the time, you don’t know what your ex is experiencing during the no-contact period. Since you’ve cut off, you don’t know if he is miserable, happy, or simply busy with work. But let’s be real, if someone genuinely loves you, they will reach out.

Most people who tried this strategy admit that 30 days is the optimum duration for no contact. After 30 days, if they don’t communicate, then maybe they do want to disconnect permanently. Still, don’t lose heart. Tomorrow is a mystery.

When I implemented the no-contact strategy, I lost faith. But, after thirty days, I woke up one day to go for a morning run only to come back and find two missed calls and a text.

So, how do you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are not wasting time?

  1. Your ex tries to reach out
  2. You enjoy all the fun stuff you’ve done while they were MIA
  3. Your ex is more responsive after the no-contact period
  4. You’ve got other admirers.
  5. Your ex starts sending you gifts.
  6. You learn that your ex has been asking about you
  7. Your ex gets active on social media, spying on you

The no-contact strategy is based on the psychological principle of reactance. This means that we are likely to react when we lose any of our behavioral freedoms. Well, the no-contact rule means denying your ex their freedom to talk to you and this can drive them CRAZY.

When your ex reaches out, then you guys can finally talk it out and come up with plans to make the relationship better.

Does the No-Contact Rule Work on Men?

The no-contact rule works exceptionally well on both men and women. Yes, men and women are different, but the psychology behind this strategy makes it effective for both genders.

Still, it has to be said that some men have a strong male ego. When they realize that you are not communicating with them, they are likely to react extremely by shutting down.

Some men are also playful. They may try to reconnect with you by being flirtatious or may approach you and try to start a light conversation. They may simply send a “Hi,” after 20 days of radio silence or like one of your Facebook posts.

If the man is the dumper, then he might be feeling arrogant. He dumped you! So he may feel like he has a lot of power over the situation.

But, if you play your cards smartly, you can get him back.

The secret is to be as subtle as possible. Now, this does not mean playing hard to get. Instead, it means communicating to the other person that you appreciate their decision to have some space even though you still feel connected to them.

What do we mean here?

Let’s say that he texts a “hi” after 20 days of no contact. In this case, you should do the same. Just say, “Hi.”

He may even try to engage you in a conversation by asking, “So, what have you been up to lately?” In that case, don’t take it as an opportunity to give him a chronological account of your last 20 days. Don’t start rumbling, “Oh, you won’t believe what I’ve been up to. Amy, the coworker I was telling you about got fired.” and so on.

You have to use both your mind and your heart when he reaches out. This means that you have to be receptive to him reaching out without being overly excited.

Some men like face to face conversations, and at some point, may ask you to meet. When they do this, then it means that your no-contact rule is working. Still, you have to set realistic expectations. No one just wakes up and says that it’s over. There must have been a thought process behind him choosing to break up with you.

Some men like playing games. They may reach out just to see if there is still a connection between the two of you. The communication from their side may be vague and confusing. Therefore, rather than jumping back into the relationship immediately, give it some time.

Let the conversation pick up and set a time to discuss what you both feel. When he talks like he is hesitant to come back, simply respond by telling him, “I love you, but I also respect your decision to have your space.” Such a response is likely to re-attract him as it sends the message that you are not chasing him.

Concluding Remarks

The no-contact strategy means cutting off all forms of communication with your ex. This strategy aims to get your ex back after being radio silent for a specific time period.

No-contact strategy is beneficial. It gives you the time to heal while at the same time, offering you a chance to focus on other alternatives. Also, it allows you to rebuild your value and self-confidence.

The period of no contact is not a waste of time. There are ways to spot that it is working, for instance, when your ex reaches out.

You can try this strategy for 40 days. If they don’t reach out after that, then maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Still, it’s a win-win situation. If they reach out then you two can mutually work towards making the relationship better. If they don’t, then at least you gave yourself a chance for self-recovery.

Have you ever tried the no-contact strategy before? Kindly reach out to us and share your experience.

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Author: Zonia Mosciski DO

Last Updated: 15/11/2023

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